Question:
I was reading some of the different posts on meditation, particularly the post “Length of Meditation”. I personally meditate an hour in the morning, and an hour at night. Is this too long? Should I cut my time down to 30 or 20 minutes? Thank you Deepak, for your insight and wisdom that has totally changed my life.
When the drums of war start beating, can cooler heads prevail and negotiations in good faith start? Vijay Mehta has written a useful overview of efforts to create a Department of Peace within governments so that there would be an institutionalized official voice proposing other avenues than war. (1) That Cooler Heads May Prevail – How Not to Go to War Such proposals are not new. In 1943, Alexander Wiley, a liberal Republican senator had proposed to President Franklin Roosevelt that he establish a cabinet-level post of Secretary of Peace as there was already a Secretary of War. The Secretary of War has now been renamed Secretary of Defense, but the function has not radically changed. A Secretary of Peace in Wiley’s vision would be charged with preempting conflicts before they exploded into violence and proposing peaceful resolutions. In the U.S.A. after the end of the Second World War, in a “never again” atmosphere, other members of Congress suggested the creation of such a Department of Peace. However, such a vision was never transformed into a reality. As the Cold War took up ever more energy and funds, a compromise was reached in 1984 at the time that Ronald Reagan was President. The U.S. Institute of Peace was created and has produced some useful publications and does some conflict resolution training for diplomats and mediators. However, the leadership of the Institute of Peace has not played a visible role in foreign policy formation. One must look elsewhere for cooler voices to cover the beat of the war drums. There is currently a test in real time as the situation in Venezuela grows more complex. There are real possibilities of armed violence, ranging from armed violence within the country to the creation of armed militias operating from Colombia and Brazil…
This purpose of this article is to show couples how to deal with uncertainties and insecurities in their romantic relationship. This piece considers research studies that talk about how insecurities can trigger problems in an otherwise healthy relationship. Further cited research shows couples how to build trust and the important role that oxytocin plays in increasing trust between partners. Communication, comparisons to past relationships, and changing one’s perspective are also touched on in this article. How To Deal With Uncertainty And Insecurity In A Relationship By Sylvia Smith Relationship uncertainty is an unpleasant feeling to have when trying to pursue something serious with a partner. If an individual is feeling uncertain or insecure about their partner, it could mean they don’t fully trust their spouse. It may also be a sign that they are feeling anxious about where the relationship is going. Or it could mean nothing at all. Insecurity can spring from past relationships or from seemingly nowhere at all. Even if a person believes they’ve found the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, insecurities can trigger doubt and create problems in a once healthy relationship Entering a new relationship should be an exciting, happy time in a person’s life. But for those who have had bad romantic experiences in the past, starting over can be a stressful experience. How Uncertainty Ruins Healthy Relationships When an individual is experiencing uncertainty or insecurity in their relationship it can quickly create disharmony between partners. To begin with, not knowing where the relationship is going creates a lack of accountability between spouses. Can they trust that their partner is being faithful? If one were to lose their job, could they rely on their spouse to help carry the load? Without knowing how each partner feels about…
Have you ever felt like there just aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done? Do you often feel overwhelmed by your responsibilities, or struggle with procrastination and lack of motivation? If so, it may be time to adopt some new habits that can help increase productivity and achieve goals. In his book…
(Image: Joseph Pearson)
What is empathy? It is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. The ability to put yourself in other’s shoes, and try to relate and understand where they are coming from, even if the situation is not familiar to you.
Recently I was sharing a personal problem with a good friend from London. Not only did he respond right away, which I didn’t expect because it was late at night his time, but he gave very thoughtful remarks. There were several things he did/said that made me feel better:
I later realized that he had woken up in the middle of the night, but had chosen to respond and engage in an hour-long conversation with me, rather than return to sleep. I later texted him, “Thanks X. I really appreciate having you as a friend. 🙂 “
It goes without saying that empathy is important. I have shared personal problems with friends before but got replies that made me feel worse and regret sharing my problem. I have also made casual remarks that good friends picked up, which later turned into heartfelt conversations, because it created the opening for me to share.
When you have empathy for others, you help them feel better about themselves. You help others relieve their problems. You also strengthen your relationship with the person, because empathy is like a conduit that lets thoughts and emotions flow.
So how can you have empathy? Here are 8 tips to be empathetic to our friends, loved ones, colleagues and family.
On the other hand, when you brush off or dismiss that emotion (e.g. “Relax,” “What’s the big deal?”), or you try to avoid the topic or say something irrelevant, you are not acknowledging — or respecting — their feelings. Think about emotions as the connecting point in a conversation. How you respond to an emotion is central to whether the person continues to share or closes off. When someone expresses an emotion, like “I’m sad,” “I’m angry,” or “I’m frustrated,” acknowledge the emotion. For example: “I’m so sorry that you are feeling this,” “This must be really frustrating,” or “What happened?”
For example, say your friend confides to you that she just broke up with her long-term boyfriend. Asking questions like, “What happened?”, “Are you okay?” or “Why did you guys break up?” can help her open up. It also tells her that you want to hear more. On the other hand, giving nondescript remarks like, “I see, hope you can move on,” or “Breaking up is normal,” or “Rest well and take a break” are not only unhelpful, but shuts them from opening up further.
This is where mirroring comes in. Mirroring means to imitate someone’s nonverbal signals — gesture, speech pattern, or attitude — to build rapport. In my opinion, NLP practitioners have made a bad rep out of mirroring. They teach people to replicate a person’s mannerisms from head to toe. But this misses the point — mirroring is about connecting authentically with others. The goal is not to “copy” someone’s mannerisms blindly, but to use it to build rapport.
For example, if your friend shares a personal fact, reciprocate by sharing a personal fact of your own (if relevant). If they make eye contact, reciprocate by giving eye contact. If they look away, look away and give them some private space. Don’t copy every aspect of their body language without thought. Instead, adjust your behavior to match their’s in tone and vibe.
For example: Someone tells you he just got retrenched. You reply, “I see. Hope you can get a job soon.” What’s wrong with this? Firstly, the person just got retrenched, so he’s likely feeling hurt and depressed. The more empathetic thing to do is to understand how he is feeling first. Secondly, the person may be retrenched because the job market is bad. Saying “Hope you can get a job soon” can feel like you’re rubbing salt into a wound, because it reminds them of the uncertainty ahead.
What will help is to (a) connect the person based on their current emotional state, and (b) move them forward with forwarding questions. In the retrenchment example, a good way to approach the conversation will be asking the following questions, in this order: “I’m so sorry to hear that. What happened?” → “How are you feeling now?” → “What are your plans?” → (and if he wants to look for a job soon) → “What kind of jobs are you looking for?” Insert other questions in between, depending on the exchange.
Another example: Someone just ended a long-term relationship. Saying “Cheer up and be happy” right away is insensitive as it downplays the person’s pain. Instead, ask questions like “How are you feeling?”, “Are you okay?”, “What happened?”, or “Do you want to talk?” to move them out of their pain. While you may have good intentions in telling the person to be happy, it doesn’t help as you are not recognizing their pain. Put yourself in the person’s shoes and imagine how they feel (tip #1). Pace and match the person’s emotional state, rather than trying to rush the conversation to a specific end point.
How can you apply the above to your relationships today? 🙂
Read:
The post 8 Tips to Be Empathetic to Others appeared first on Personal Excellence.
During the 1960s the field of psychology focussed on the science of how past trauma creates present symptoms, and how to reduce people’s misery. Professor Martin Seligman wanted to change that focus. He’s become known as the Father of Positive Psychology, and he’s had a profound influence worldwide. In Part 1 of our 2 programs with Martin Seligman, hear him address an exclusive audience in Australia on happiness and human flourishing.
The word “faith” tends to trigger an immediate assumption: religion. But strip away the theological baggage for a moment, and faith is really just a psychological mechanism — a form of trust and commitment that humans rely on constantly, whether or not it has anything to do with belief in a higher power. You use…
There is a thin line between enjoyment and addiction. When you go a little overboard with enjoyment then it leads to addiction. There is nothing morbid about enjoying something. The classic sign of addiction is denial and is often hard to notice. It is very important to observe the signs of addiction in order to […]
The post Know The Difference Between Addiction and Enjoyment! appeared first on Self Help Zone.
As part of the “Real Love with Sharon Salzberg” event hosted by Women of Wisdom and Mindful, meditation teacher and author Sharon Salzberg discussed the true meaning of love for ourselves, others and life. The following is an excerpt of her talk.
As the world has evolved, whether it’s in a personal way or it’s in a global way, we have tremendous difficulty with people. Now I did a group in Barre, Massachusetts where the Insight Meditation Society is that I co-founded in 1976. And this guy in that group said to me, “You know my whole life I’ve thought that of course we like everybody, but loving somebody—that’s like an extremely unusual, rare, rare state.” And he said to me, “You’re reversing it. You’re saying we can love everybody, and maybe not like maybe anybody.”
And I thought about it and I said, “You’re right, I am reversing it.” Because of the way I’m using the word love, which is that deep acknowledgement of connection, that our lives are connected — Which has nothing to do with wanting to invite someone to dinner, or seeing them succeed, or giving them money, or saying yes or anything like that. It’s the heart’s knowing that we are part of this great picture of life, and that everybody actually wants to be happy.
Love is that deep acknowledgement of connection…which has nothing to do with wanting to invite someone to dinner, or seeing them succeed, or giving them money.
We all want a sense of belonging. We want a sense of feeling at home, somewhere in this body, in the mind, of one another on this planet somewhere. And it’s because of the force of ignorance or confusion that we make so many mistakes. Look at what we are taught about where the greatest happiness has to be found: endless consumption or acquisition.
One of my favorite phrases to examine these days is, “it’s a dog eat dog world.” Many of us have that kind of conditioning—don’t take care of anybody because they can’t take care of you. And it doesn’t matter who you have to hurt or step on to get ahead, you know you’ll only be safe, you’ll only be happy when you’re on top, and don’t worry about anybody else.
I once semi-ruined this young woman’s life when I was teaching a six-day workshop, and the first night I was talking about that phrase. And this woman came up to the microphone and she said, “What a horrible phrase. I never knew that was the phrase. I always thought the phrase was, It’s a doggy-dog world.” Like puppies in meadows, jumping up and down.
So the six days went by, and it was the closing circle and she came up to the mic again and she said, “I’ve decided, I’m not going to live in a dog eat dog world. I’m going to live in a doggy-dog world.”
We can see for ourselves what’s true by paying attention. Learning how to pay attention differently, more accurately, less laden with all that conditioning overtaking our perception.
So look at what we are taught about where happiness is, where strength is, how alone we are. But what’s true? This actually is one of the greatest blessings of mindfulness, is that we can see for ourselves what’s true by paying attention. Learning how to pay attention differently, more accurately, less laden with all that conditioning overtaking our perception. And we see for ourselves that maybe endless vengefulness is not that happy-making, maybe compassion is not that stupid. And we can see very directly for ourselves, there is a kind of compassion we can have for those who are caught in a dog-eat-dog world.
The post Feeling Lonely? Embrace Compassion appeared first on Mindful.
This is a guest post by Ryan Rivera of www.calmclinic.com
Oh my god! It is almost 12 noon and I am still stuck with this report. What will I do? I must make haste! Will I make it? Working in this pace is going to make me lose my job. I’m running out of time! Me? Fired? Oh, no! Rent’s due this Friday. What am I going to do?”
If this is the beat constantly playing in your work life, then I guess it is only a matter of time until this tune will beat the goodness out of you. This melody of anxiety can be quite disgruntling. The stress of trying to finish work before the deadline, the pressure of improving your work performance and the strain of meeting obligations and other responsibilities can cause extreme problems to your nerves.
Mind you. Your nerves can only handle too much. When they get smashed and thrashed all over the place with all the adrenaline and relentless worrying that you do, they will lose their functionality. This, unfortunately, will lead to the development of anxiety disorders.
If you wish to avoid this fate, here are some of the best techniques to help you cope with all the stress and anxiety surrounding you.
At the first sign of anxiety, keep yourself calm. Your heart may beat so fast. Your breathing may turn difficult. Your muscles may grow tense. Your head may spin around. But never ever lose your composure. Get hold of yourself and try not to panic. The more you fret, the more you worry and the greater and more extreme the feelings of anxiety will become.
Deep breathing exercises are the easiest and fastest way of keeping yourself calm. When things go out of hand and time seems to be running out, pause for a while and do deep breathing. This simple exercise of filling up your lungs with air will help solve the oxygen-carbon dioxide imbalance that may cause the symptoms of anxiety.
Certain fragrances from your favorite scents such as lavender, chamomile, and jasmine trigger a relaxation response. Their calming whiff helps to lift your emotions. Hence, when you are feeling a little blue or tensed, light up a scented candle and fill your home with their aroma.
Songs as they say are “food for the soul.” They sate the pains, sorrows, anxieties, and worries that lie beneath the core. If you are feeling tensed, putting on your favorite cd and listening to the tunes being played will help soothe your aches and pains. You can try to play songs with lively or positive beat. But it is up to you. What is important is that you enjoy the music.
Strained muscles often need a little bit of stretching to loosen them up. Being slumped in work for hours can cause pressure in your back and muscles. This piled up tension can be annoying and painful at times. Practising some toe touches before you hit the sack for at least 5 minutes will help relieve those soreness and muscle cramps.
The mess and chaos of your surroundings greatly add to the anxiety you are experiencing. To trim them down, clearing the clutter from your home can essentially help to de-clutter your mind as well.
This step can be a tough one. But taking this can do wonders to alleviate your anxiety. As delicious as coffee can be, you have to ditch this addiction because the caffeine it contains makes your nerves jolt, leaving you anxious from morning till noon. So, wean yourself from coffee soon. Try drinking green tea instead.
Your imagination is a strong tool that can help you achieve clarity and relaxation. Closing your eyes when anxiety hits and picturing a serene setting where you can escape to and become completely immersed in are effective means of leaving your anxiety out of the picture.
A good body massage does not only promote relaxation but also healthy blood circulation. With every inch of your body receiving adequate supply of oxygenated blood, your cells and nerves will be in good working condition. When they are working properly, bouts of anxieties will be prevented. Moreover, massage therapy is proven to enhance EEG pattern of alertness and math computations. So, pamper yourself. Go to a spa and get your needed massage.
Chocolate acts like an amphetamine in the body. It helps to increase your mood leading to feelings of happiness, alertness and excitement.
Just take it in moderation. Eating more than enough is no longer good for the body.
To be anxiety-free takes dedication. You need to commit so that the process will be successful. You can follow these simple techniques to get started. They are proven to help resolve the worries and fears you are experiencing. Take your pick and see what works for you. The changes won’t be overnight though, but you’re on your way.
