Category: Brain

Equanimity balances the giving of your heart’s love with the recognition and acceptance that things are the way they are.

However much you may care for someone, however much you may do for others, however much you would like to control things (or wish that they were other than they are) equanimity is a reminder that all beings everywhere are responsible for their own actions, and for the consequences of their actions. Equanimity will allow you to open your heart and offer love, kindness, compassion, and joy, while letting go of your expectations and attachment to results. Equanimity gives you the energy to persist, regardless of the outcome, because you will be connected to the integrity of the effort itself.

Frank Jude Boccio, Calm Within

Wait, I’m sorry, did you want the recipe for these Keto Chocolate Chip Cookies? You sure did! Man you guys freaked out for this recipe and I love it! You guys are so my people. Sorry it took me forever to get these señioritas up on the blog. What can I say? I was busy. Shrugs. We finally finished up the house and I have this fancy new desk space to work from and it’s everything. It’s crazy how much more productive you can be when you have a great space. 

So lets talk Keto and cookies for s second mmmkay?

I firmly believe that everyone should have at least one outfit that they feel absolutely amazing in, and a recipe for a fantastic batch of chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip cookies are the Little Black Dress of the culinary world.

If you’re doing Keto or Low-Carb and craving cookies, this is your recipe. According to my calculations these have 1g net carbs per cookie. I wouldn’t file this under “Things I’m Proud Of”, but I did eat 6 of these cookies in one day and still had a very dark ketosis test strip. I did Keto for 100 days at the beginning of the year as an experiment to see what all the fuss was about. My body has always done really well with lower-carb diets, which sucks because I sure love me some carbs. I did Atkins like 100 years ago and loved it, but eventually got bored and went back to darkness my old friend, ie. Carbs.  

So what’s Keto you may ask? Keto is short for Ketosis or the process of your body burning fat for fuel instead of carbohydrates. Keto is a diet of very low carbohydrates (5%-10% of your daily macros), moderate protein, and high fat. I find for me, my sweet spot on Keto was about 30g-35g of carbs a day. I could still be in Ketosis and didn’t feel like I was low on energy or anything. Days where I had 20g or fewer, I was definitely dragging and exercise was a little challenging.

Since I normally eat relatively low carb, about 75-100g a day (what feels best for my body), I didn’t get any sort of Keto Flu when I started. Like at all. So that was awesome. I would say the only thing I really noticed while transitioning was just that exercise seemed harder than usual. Like it took more effort and I was tired quicker. That’s about it. 

I think the thing I ended up liking the most about Keto was how full I stayed all day. I felt like I was never hungry and when I was hungry, I knew it was actual body hunger, not stress or emotional hunger. I think that’s a really good thing to learn about your body. Months later now, because of Keto, I’ve learned to identify what my body hunger feels like (my body telling me it needs food) vs. emotional eating (eating because I’m bored, or happy, or stressed). That is something I think is really important for everyone to learn to recognize. Usually when I’m eating because I’m bored, there is something else I could be doing to alleviate that symptom besides stuffing my face. As much as I love it, my pants don’t. 

One side effect that I actually didn’t like with Keto was the sleep situation. Folks claim that their sleep improves on Keto. Mine didn’t. I was literally unable to sleep in and I’d constantly wake up before my alarm clock went off. I think this is due to the fact that I just had much more energy on Keto. If you know anything about me at all though, you know that I LOVE sleep, like probably as much as I love chocolate and that’s really saying something. 

I don’t want to wake up early! Ever! Haha. So for me that was not ideal although for some of you I’m sure it will be. I love to sleep in on the weekends. So much so in fact, that it’s one of the main reasons I don’t have kids. I’m a night owl by nature. If I could create my ideal schedule, like if work and normal adult people stuff didn’t get in the way, it would be 2am-10am. Meaning I would go to sleep at 2am and wake up at 10am. I do my best and most clear thinking at night and it’s the only time of day that I feel actually awake, acute, insightful, and ready to take on the day. Which is kind of ironic since the day is over.

I know this about myself because every year during the Holidays, I take 2-3 weeks off for Christmas and this is the schedule my body naturally adapts to when I don’t have an alarm set. It’s what feels most natural to me and I can thrive in a state where I never feel tired or like I’m running on empty. Usually getting out of bed every morning feels like pure absolute torture to me on the daily. It has since I was a little kid and would have to go to school. Don’t even get me started on the Saturday morning screaming matches I’d have with my poor Mom who had to wake me up for soccer games. Sorry Mom. She says I love to sleep so much because I was born a month late. “You just didn’t want to get up.” 

But I digress…with Keto I would just wake up and be up up. So actually maybe we should file that under ‘A Good Thing’. I started to miss those sleepy mornings though where you wake up, but sleep still has it’s grasp on you like a tender hug, not wanting to let you out of it’s arms. So you pull the blankets up a little tighter and then roll over on to your other side and quickly slip under again. I love that feeling. Keto doesn’t. It’s like a drill Sargent snapping you awake at dawn to go run laps.

So what happened after the 100 days? Am I still doing Keto? Simply put, No. Keto is not something that I would want to permanently maintain as a lifestyle. While I absolutely loved all the rich and delicious food I got to eat on Keto, (hello bacon-wrapped jalepeño cream cheese stuffed chicken, I’m talking to you) I really missed my favorite carbs (now I’m talking to you gluten-free chocolate chip pancakes!) and began to feel deprived. For me I have to find a balance with my diet. If I deprive myself of something for too long, I get binge tendencies. Meaning if I don’t allow myself a certain type of food whether it be sweets, carbs, alcohol, etc. the second I do allow it into my life again, I tend to binge on it.  

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection on this topic lately, thinking about my diet as a whole, what works for me, what doesn’t. I also read this good book that really opened my eyes to some things, a book that I HIGHLY recommend. It’s called The Diet Fix: Why Diets Fail and How to Make Yours Work by Dr. Yoni Freedhoff. While I realize that this sounds like a super cheesy diet book from 1986, I promise you, it’s anything but that.

It’s basically a book about simple tips to maintain a healthy lifestyle and lose weight if that’s your goal. I mean, I have a few Lbs. I definitely wouldn’t mind saying goodbye to, ya feel me? I found this book to be full of really insightful suggestions that made so much sense I was like, “Why have I never thought of that before.” It also gets you in a different mindset about diets in general, which I think is something most of us will really benefit from. This book helped me realize that one of my big diet fails is that I restrict myself too much and then end up eating a ton of whatever that food is when I finally do let myself have it (binging tendencies). So my new mantra is “No Food is Off Limits”. I choose to stay away from gluten because it causes a ruckus if I eat it. I will eat it on occasion if it’s really worth it, but other than that I stay away from it by choice.

So let’s get back to cookies shall we! Twist my arm…so these Keto Chocolate Chip Cookies are perfection. They taste just like the real deal. I think I tested this recipe 3 times to get it just right. The first batch was…terrible, but by batch 3 we were good to go. I get my Swerve and Lily’s chocolate from Sprouts, but you can probably find them at any Whole Foods or local health food store. If not there is always the internet! What did we do without the internet? No seriously, what did we do? 

Are you doing Keto right now? Or just looking for your one fabulous chocolate chip cookie recipe to have on hand? 

Keto Chocolate Chip Cookies

2018-09-02 16:37:21

Save Recipe

Print

Prep Time

25 min

Cook Time

10 min

Total Time

35 min

Prep Time

25 min

Cook Time

10 min

Total Time

35 min

Ingredients

1. 1 cup (8 ounces/227 g) salted butter, browned
2. 2 cups (185 g) sifted fine-ground blanched almond flour
3. 1/2 teaspoon xanthan gum
4. 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
5. 1/4 teaspoon salt
6. 3/4 cup ( 165 g) Swerve brand granulated erythritol
7. 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
8. 2 eggs
9. 1/2 cup (115 g) Lily’s Dark Chocolate Baking Chips
10. 1/2 bar (2 ounces/ 56 g) Lily’s Dark Chocolate Baking Bar, chopped

Instructions

1. Brown the butter by putting the butter in a medium-sized heavy-bottomed saucepan and cook over medium-low heat. Stir intermittently using a rubber spatula. As the butter melts it will start to bubble and foam. As the butter continues to cook, the color will turn from lemon yellow to amber and go from a loud bubble to quiet simmer. When the butter is ready, brown specks will have formed at the bottom of the pan and some of the specks will start to rise in the foam. The butter will also have a very pleasant nutty aroma. Remove the pan from the heat and let cool for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the pan is cool to the touch. Another option is placing the pan in the freezer for 10 minutes to speed up the cooling process.
2. While waiting for the butter to cool, add the almond flour, xanthan gum, baking soda, and salt to a mixing bowl. Stir together using a fork until well combined; set aside.
3. Once the butter has cooled, add the Swerve to a large mixing bowl or the mixing bowl of a stand mixer, add the butter and vanilla and mix together on medium-low speed using a hand or stand mixer until combined. Add each egg one at a time, mixing on medium-low speed after each, for about 15-30 seconds or until combined. Then add the almond flour mixture and mix again until combined. Stir in the chopped chocolate and chocolate chips by hand using a rubber spatula.
4. Place the bowl with the cookie dough in the freezer for 15 min. to firm up the dough. While waiting for the cookie dough to firm, adjust oven rack to the middle position and preheat the oven to 350°F (177°C). Line two baking sheets with parchment paper or nonstick baking mats; set aside.
5. Once the dough is chilled use a small cookie scoop to transfer the dough evenly onto the prepared baking sheets, 12 cookies per sheet. To get visually appealing cookies, I find it helps to smooth the dough around the edges with my fingertips.
6. Bake each sheet separately for 10-12 min. or until the edges and bottoms have browned. Slide the parchment paper or non-stick baking mat with the cookies off the baking tray and on to the counter to let cool. The cookies will have a very soft and unsolidified consistency. Don’t panic, you did nothing wrong, this is due to the Swerve. The cookies will harden as they cool and become the consistency of traditional cookies. Store any remaining cookies in a covered container for up to 3 days or freeze up to one month.

Notes

1. For a dairy-free option, sub melted ghee for browned butter. I recommend Tin Star Foods Brown Butter Ghee.

Clean Eating with a Dirty Mind http://cleaneatingwithadirtymind.com/

Wordpress Recipe Plugin by Recipe Card

//z-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/onejs?MarketPlace=US&storeId=cleeatwitad0e-20&adInstanceId=a06f4d68-b6d5-4c65-a17f-11fb3f0cd9cf

The post Keto Chocolate Chip Cookies appeared first on Clean Eating with a Dirty Mind.

Having children can be wonderful but there’s no doubt that parenting can be challenging, especially for women with mental illness. We hear about the lives of mothers diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder—it’s a disorder defined by extreme emotional instability and is surrounded by stigma. The treatment can make a real difference to the wellbeing of families.

By Deepak Chopra, MD

More people than ever have undertaken a spiritual path of their own, independently of organized religion. “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual” has become a common expression, and I count myself among those who struck out on their own as a seeker. My search has covered a lot of ground over the years, from mind-body medicine to quantum physics, higher consciousness, the future of God, and personal transformation.

What all of these disparate topics have in common is reality, in the sense that everyday reality is hiding from view the “real” reality that needs to be unveiled. (Readers might want to look at last week’s post, “Unveiling Reality,” which details what it means to unveil reality.) There’s no question that the five senses detect the world in a very limited way, since they give no clue that molecules, atoms, and subatomic particles exist, not to mention genes and DNA. But unveiling a deeper physical reality is far from the whole story.

The physical sciences are about the external world, while another hidden reality, which is crucial to spiritual seeking, takes place “in here,” where the mind is the explorer and the territory being explored. This sounds like a contradiction, and so does the traditional way of reaching higher consciousness, which is called “the pathless path.” How can you unveil reality “in here” when the explorer—the mind—isn’t separate from the territory it wants to explore. The difficulty emerges clearly if you ask a question like “What do I think about thinking?” or “Am I aware of awareness?”

At best these questions sound circular, like a snake biting its tail. But the contradiction is straightened out, and the pathless path makes sense, when you realize one simple thing: The active mind isn’t the same as the still, quiet mind. Every method of spiritual seeking, if it is successful, goes beyond the active mind and its restless baggage of sensations, images, feelings, and thoughts, with the aim of settling down into pure, undisturbed awareness. By analogy, one dives below the churning surface of a raging river, moving through deeper waters where the currents are slower, until one reaches the bottom, where the river is almost motionless.

Here, however, the analogy breaks down, because meditation, which is like an inner dive, can reach the zero point of no motion or activity of any kind. At the source of your awareness you can encounter pure awareness. Why is this experience worthwhile? Because the field of pure awareness is the origin of traits that are innate in us: Intelligence, creativity, evolution, love, and self-awareness are chief among these.

The pathless path makes sense for that reason; it leads you, without going anywhere, to a deeper level of awareness. Once you experience the deeper level, you find that there’s a shift. You identify less with your everyday self, which is totally dependent on the active mind (along with the desires, hopes, wishes, and dreams it generates), and you start to identify more with the field of pure awareness.

In this way higher consciousness gets assimilated into who you are and how you live your life. The word “spiritual” isn’t mandatory to describe this shift; I prefer to describe the whole process in terms of awareness, which is a more neutral term. What baffles people is that the whole project of seeking gets tangled up in misguided ideas. Let me list the pitfalls one is most likely to encounter.

1. Mistaking the goal for some kind of self-improvement.
2. Assuming that you already know what the goal is.
3. Hoping that higher consciousness will solve all your problems.
4. Struggling and striving to get somewhere.
5. Following a cut-and-dried method, usually a method backed by some spiritual authority or other.
6. Hoping to be looked upon with respect, reverence, or devotion as a higher being.
7. Being tossed around by the ups and downs of momentary successes and failures.

I doubt that anyone who has honestly undertaken an inner journey is immune to some or all of these pitfalls. There is an enormous gap between where you find yourself today (totally dependent on the active mind) and the reality yet to be unveiled. Nothing less than an all-encompassing illusion surrounds us, a construct of the human mind that conditions everything we think and feel.

When it is put that way, the pathless path seems impossible or at the very least difficult and probably painful. But what’s difficult and painful are the pitfalls I’ve listed. The illusion creates all the problems. It’s crucial to see this. The actual path is effortless and pain-free. The mind by its own nature can know its source in pure awareness. By analogy, you can go through troubles, worries, everyday crises, and arguments with your children, but without a doubt you know you love them. Love goes beyond the other stuff—that’s how transcendence, or going beyond, works.

The same holds true in the process of unveiling reality, which also goes by the simple name of waking up. The ancient Vedas declare that everyone is defined by their deepest desires. Desire leads to thoughts, thoughts to words and actions, actions to the fulfillment of desire. So in a very basic way, the pathless path is a path of desire. If your deepest desire is to wake up, to escape the illusion, to unveil reality, and in the end to know who you really are, the message gets through. Your deepest desire activates a level of awareness that will lead you to the goal.

As with raising kids, the everyday stuff rises and falls, but love, caring, attention, and devotion steadily work their way. The same is true of you the seeker, even though you are both parent and child to yourself, both teacher and student, healer and healed.Because these dual roles merge into one, the pathless path makes sense, and it works.

Deepak Chopra MD, FACP, founder of The Chopra Foundation and co-founder of The Chopra Center for Wellbeing, is a world-renowned pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation, and is Board Certified in Internal Medicine, Endocrinology and Metabolism.  He is a Fellow of the American College of Physicians and a member of the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists. Chopra is the author of more than 85 books translated into over 43 languages, including numerous New York Times bestsellers. His latest books are The Healing Self co-authored with Rudy Tanzi, Ph.D. and Quantum Healing (Revised and Updated): Exploring the Frontiers of Mind/Body Medicine.  www.deepakchopra.com

By Deepak Chopra, MD

For many decades It was assumed that the human brain must be special, as superior to the brains of other mammals as our minds are. This specialness was never seriously questioned, and even basic facts, like asserting that the human brain contains 100 billion neurons, were arrived at with surprising casualness.

In an interesting 2013 TED talk, the articulate Brazilian neuroscientist Suzana Herculano-Houzel offers clarity for the first time on several of the basic issues. After devising a way to dissolve brain cell membranes so that only the nuclei remained, and isolating them to be counted, she determined that the human brain contains 86 billion neurons, the most of any primate. Even though the human brain is a small fraction of our total weight, it uses 25% of a person’s daily calorie consumption.

That may seem like an incidental fact, but Herculano-Houzel makes it the cornerstone of her argument, which declares that the human brain isn’t special. We have primate brains, she says, that are in proportion to our primate relatives like chimpanzees and gorillas. But in an odd evolutionary twist, chimps and gorillas cannot sustain the calorie load of an immense brain by eating raw food. Typically, a great ape feeds for eight hours a day to sustain its large body, and over time a choice was made to prefer a very large body with a smaller number of neurons.

In Homo sapiens the reverse occurred. We chose a small body and a huge brain, particularly the higher brain responsible for our superior mind. According to Herculano-Houzel’s explanation, this choice was made possible by the invention of cooking. Cooking raw food is like pre-digesting it outside the body; cooked food is easier to digest, contains more nutrients by weight than raw food, and takes many fewer hours to eat. You can get an entire day’s calorie load with a 15-minute visit to a fast-food chain.

So there you have it: cooking led to the enormous number of neurons we possess, and they in turn allowed our huge cognitive capacity to evolve in a growth spurt that took the early hominid brain on a skyrocketing curve for the last 1.5 million years since the discovery of fire.

But as intriguing as this hypothesis is, and as essential as fire was to human evolution, the whole thing doesn’t hold water. To begin with, if we started out in our hominid ancestry with unevolved primate brains, how were such brains smart enough to discover fire? No other higher primate did, and they already possessed big brains on the mammalian ladder. Second, how does counting neurons have anything to do with the mental abilities that created civilization? Plenty of people possess the full complement of 86 billion neurons but who lead totally ordinary lives.

It does not occur to them to exploit our almost infinite capacity for creativity. They just live their lives by working and raising families. Primitive cultures faced enormous challenges simply to do the same, leaving almost no time for art, music, invention, discovery, philosophy, religion, and the other accoutrements of civilization. Why and how could a clump of brain cells, even a huge clump, decide to follow such a trajectory?

The earliest representations of a human figure in sculptural form date back not to early Homo sapiens but to Homo erectus, somewhere between 250,000 and 750,000 years ago. There is evidence that Neanderthals buried their dead in cave tombs, wore decorative jewelry, and perhaps performed religious ceremonies. If you stop to think about it, there was no pressing reason for the brain to need the wheel or pottery—Australian aborigines existed between 45,000 and 60,000 years, the longest continuous indigenous culture on earth, without either.

The problem with basing human achievements on our big brains is that at bottom, neuroscience assumes that we are brain puppets. It sounds almost ridiculously simple, but that’s like saying that without a radio you cannot explain music. Putting the apparatus first is such an obvious mistake, you wouldn’t think a science as advanced as brain science would make it—but it has. The equation of Brain = Mind puts the apparatus first. Either the brain created the mind or they developed in some mysterious relationship.

Since science is about clearing up mysteries, the inability to decide how brain relates to mind has been too frustrating. As a short cut, why not say that the brain created the mind? It cut through all the philosophical red tape. Yet for all the convenience that it brings to brain research, there is zero proof that the brain creates the mind. At no point can anyone show how cells that are constituted from the same DNA as heart, liver, and lung cells somehow learned to think. The very notion that the brain thinks is empty; it is like saying that a piano understands Mozart.

We will never get the brain right until we follow the second path and delve into the mystery of how the mind and brain relate to each other. It is false to assume that brain experts are also mind experts; they aren’t. By adopting the false assumption that the brain is the mind, for all practical purposes, neuroscience has left out the true nature of intelligence, creativity, love, art, compassion, spiritual experiences, and higher evolution. Those things belong to the evolution of the human mind and remain completely baffling if you only stare at neurons through a microscope.

Realizing this, there is a movement to confront the real mystery, which is consciousness itself. Consciousness cannot be shown to be a created thing. The brain is a created thing—we can follow its physical evolution with considerable accuracy now. But at no point does consciousness appear out of the physical “stuff” of creation. It may be, as some theorists argue, that consciousness is innate in creation. It has always been there. The irony is that once we pay serious attention to consciousness, which will unravel the mystery of being human, it will be consciousness that explains consciousness to itself.

Deepak Chopra MD, FACP, founder of The Chopra Foundation and co-founder of The Chopra Center for Wellbeing, is a world-renowned pioneer in integrative medicine and personal transformation, and is Board Certified in Internal Medicine, Endocrinology and Metabolism.  He is a Fellow of the American College of Physicians and a member of the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists. Chopra is the author of more than 85 books translated into over 43 languages, including numerous New York Times bestsellers. His latest books are The Healing Self co-authored with Rudy Tanzi, Ph.D. and Quantum Healing (Revised and Updated): Exploring the Frontiers of Mind/Body Medicine.  www.deepakchopra.com

This blog has many tips on how to build self confidence. I wrote a post 20 ways to build self confidence some time back. I now find there is even a video based on an article I discussed in that post!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLAogkva-Ok?rel=0]

My main criticism remains – walking faster and sitting in the front row are rather weird suggestions and hardly likely to have the desired effect.  If you lack self confidence you will feel very self conscious sitting in the front and feel worse.  There is no guarantee you will eventually get over that and feel more confident.

Feeling the fear and doing it anyway – as in Susan Jeffers book title – doesn’t work for everyone.  If you go along this route its about coming to terms that we have learnt to feel fear and associate it with that activity.  And, unless you are short sighted or hard of hearing, what actually do you achieve by sitting in the front?

Gratitude builds self confidence

Ironically the video misses the best tip in the original article – having gratitude:-

When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum.

gratitude for having family

This is something I do everyday in a form of journalling.  The first step I take is to reflect upon what I have to be grateful for. This can vary from family and friends to aspects of the environment around me – the sea, forest, the crazy weather we have (can’t remember who said it, but “never judge the day by the weather…”).

This list doesn’t have to be big things, and it certainly doesn’t have to be unique.  You’ll end it constantly repeating things like your good health and the men, women and children in your life.  But don’t forget the little stuff or more obscure  – being able to hear the birds sing, being able to walk/see/taste/smell,  living in a country where I can voice my opinion/vote, watching a comedy show on TV last night.

Even the things we moan about,  such as expensive car bills, can be turned into gratitude – at least you can afford a car. Reminds me of a favourite quote:-

I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.

When researching my recent post build self confidence, I came across other articles and blogs on this theme. But as I discussed in my post, some of the tips and steps suggested elsewhere are somewhat dubious.

With a title 7 Smart Ways to Build Self Confidence, I thought Mohamed Tohami in Lost-Media.net may buck the trend.  Well, the result is very mixed. Here are his “smart ways”:-

Building self confidence? dadjanda (Flickr.com)

1 Travel

2. Walk on Fire

3. Express yourself

4. Join a Toastmasters Chapter

5. Learn one new skill every year (at least)

6. Break a Record!

7. Study Self Confidence.

I think the last item is somewhat ironic as by studying self confidence you will have to wade through a swamp of contradictory advice! You’ll most likely end up confused rather than more confident.

Skills to Build Self Confidence

As ever, amongst the bizarre ideas – fire walking, camping in the desert! – comes an odd gem. Building skills is often overlooked. However, as a foundation for great self confidence there is nothing better.

We tend to forget we have many skills. As a child we learn to walk and talk. We start to dress ourselves and communicate more meaningfully. Once we start school it becomes an uphill slog – as soon as we learn to write we have to start sitting tests and exams. I have three daughters in their early twenties who seem to have been doing nothing but exams for as long as I can remember!

But we learn skills. Unfortunately we seldom give ourselves credit for what we can do. As part of my reflection in my daily journal, I reinforce to myself how skilled and how wonderful I am. No one but me reads this, so I can (and should) be as boastful as I like. With low self esteem and/or self confidence there is a tendency to downplay our achievements – so make them shine here.

Learn New Skills

I think Mohamed has an excellent point with his “point 5”, learning a new skill. he says:-

Increase your skill set regularly. Every year you should at least have acquired a new skill. With a powerful skill-set under your belt, you will be confident in your ability to get things done. You’ll have more experience and you’ll gain more confidence in your ability to deal with different life situations.

For the past three months I have been learning mindfulness – which is in itself a skill which can help self confidence. If you are interested I can strongly recommend the site I have been using to learn from Get Some Headspace.  You can try it out for ten sessions for free. I will write more about mindfulness in a later post.

“I wasn’t just going to read self-help. I was going to DO self-help.” Help Me! By Marianne Power Discovery I think someone told me about this book, perhaps Susannah, and it sounded really fun so I bought it. Subject Marianne, […]

The post Self Help Book Review: Help Me! by Marianne Power appeared first on the Self Help Hipster.

Social success has a lot to do with attaining and maintaining a position of power within a group, from which you can exert a large amount of influence. But not all power is created equal. When talking about this topic, I find it useful to make on crucial distinction: the one between formal and informal power.

Formal and Informal Power: Definitions

Formal power comes from the official position one holds within an organization or social structure. It is properly recognized by some type of written contract or official agreement, and regulated by a strict set of rules that everyone in the organization or social structure knows and must obey.

Formal forms of power exist in politics, business, religion, but also in social structures like a sports team or a student’s club. The manager of a company has formal power. So does the captain of a football team. This type of power changes as one’s official position within a structure changes, which is why many people compulsively seek to better their position.

Informal power comes, not from an official position, but from the respect and appreciation one has earned from the members of a group. This respect and appreciation allow the individual to influence his or her peers in a way that others within the group cannot.

Informal power comes from a person’s internal qualities. An employee may gain informal power in his department by being known as very competent and skilled in what he does. A person may gain informal power by having integrity and being trustworthy. And another person may gain informal power by being likable and charismatic.

The Power of Informal Power

Making the distinction between the two kinds of power is essential. Because many people simply aren’t aware of the existence or influence of informal power, and they blindly compete with others for the limited amount of positions that provide formal power. They wanna be managers, and leaders, and bosses, and CEOs. However, informal power is not only real, but it can often be much more valuable than formal power.

Here’s an example I’ve seen transpire many times while coaching clients within companies and corporations.

There is a manager of a department of a company, and he has formal power in that department, stipulated by his job description. In the same department, there is also a guy who is a simple employee, but who is known to be very skilled at his job. Everyone goes to him for advice, and he is eager to help. He is friendly and likable, he encourages others, and he knows everyone by name, while the manager doesn’t bother with such ‘details’ and acts more like a dictator than a manager.

In such a situation, the manager has formal power, but this employee has a lot of informal power. So much informal power, in fact, that it may be worth more than the formal power of the manager. For instance, this employee may have such good relationships with his colleagues, that if he leaves to another company, half of them would follow him. And his manager knows this. Such influence is no small thing, and a smart manager would make sure that such an employee is treated well, because otherwise he might do some real damage.

It’s just one type of situation, but informal power can trump formal power in many ways, in all kind of organizations and social structures.

Leveraging the Two Types of Power

So, while formal power is good and not something to ignore, after this analysis I hope it is clear that many times, informal power is even more desirable.

Ideally, you wanna have both forms of power within a structure. Also, achieving informal power first is often a great way to then acquire formal power as well. But even if you can’t acquire formal power due to heavy competition and political games, you may be better off by acquiring informal power anyway.

How do you attain informal power? It takes three key ingredients, to which I’ve already alluded above:

1) Competence. There is no doubt that people respect competence, especially in a field relevant to them. Members of a debate club respect good debaters; members of a sales team respect good salespeople. So getting good at what you do within an organization or social structure is a great way to earn respect, and thus informal power.

2) Character. Great leadership books and courses regularly talk about the value of character. But its role is much more important in acquiring informal power than formal one, because, like competence, in triggers respect, as well as trust. Being honest, having integrity, being fair, having confidence, being resolute, this kind of character traits will get you far within any group.

3) Social Skills. Your social skills play perhaps the most important role. You wanna be able to engage people in interesting conversations, be witty and funny, and make them enjoy your presence. If they like you, they are much more eager to follow your lead. You also wanna be able to speak in a way that persuades, inspires and motivates people, which directly gives you more informal power over them.

Fortunately, you can cultivate these 3 traits and use them to gain informal power incrementally. Each day you can put in some work, and each day you can see your informal influence rise.

For top practical resources to help you develop your character and social skills, first I recommend you check out this video presentation I created, in which I’ll share with you some top-notch techniques for boosting your social confidence and social skills, based on my 8+years of experience as a confidence and communication coach.

Also, join my free social success newsletter, to get regular advice from me on improving your social competence, career and social life. I’m certain you’ll learn a lot from it.

There is a thin line between enjoyment and addiction. When you go a little overboard with enjoyment then it leads to addiction. There is nothing morbid about enjoying something. The classic sign of addiction is denial and is often hard to notice. It is very important to observe the signs of addiction in order to […]

The post Know The Difference Between Addiction and Enjoyment! appeared first on Self Help Zone.