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As part of the “Real Love with Sharon Salzberg” event hosted by Women of Wisdom and Mindful, meditation teacher and author Sharon Salzberg discussed the true meaning of love for ourselves, others and life. The following is an excerpt of her talk.
As the world has evolved, whether it’s in a personal way or it’s in a global way, we have tremendous difficulty with people. Now I did a group in Barre, Massachusetts where the Insight Meditation Society is that I co-founded in 1976. And this guy in that group said to me, “You know my whole life I’ve thought that of course we like everybody, but loving somebody—that’s like an extremely unusual, rare, rare state.” And he said to me, “You’re reversing it. You’re saying we can love everybody, and maybe not like maybe anybody.”
And I thought about it and I said, “You’re right, I am reversing it.” Because of the way I’m using the word love, which is that deep acknowledgement of connection, that our lives are connected — Which has nothing to do with wanting to invite someone to dinner, or seeing them succeed, or giving them money, or saying yes or anything like that. It’s the heart’s knowing that we are part of this great picture of life, and that everybody actually wants to be happy.
Love is that deep acknowledgement of connection…which has nothing to do with wanting to invite someone to dinner, or seeing them succeed, or giving them money.
We all want a sense of belonging. We want a sense of feeling at home, somewhere in this body, in the mind, of one another on this planet somewhere. And it’s because of the force of ignorance or confusion that we make so many mistakes. Look at what we are taught about where the greatest happiness has to be found: endless consumption or acquisition.
One of my favorite phrases to examine these days is, “it’s a dog eat dog world.” Many of us have that kind of conditioning—don’t take care of anybody because they can’t take care of you. And it doesn’t matter who you have to hurt or step on to get ahead, you know you’ll only be safe, you’ll only be happy when you’re on top, and don’t worry about anybody else.
I once semi-ruined this young woman’s life when I was teaching a six-day workshop, and the first night I was talking about that phrase. And this woman came up to the microphone and she said, “What a horrible phrase. I never knew that was the phrase. I always thought the phrase was, It’s a doggy-dog world.” Like puppies in meadows, jumping up and down.
So the six days went by, and it was the closing circle and she came up to the mic again and she said, “I’ve decided, I’m not going to live in a dog eat dog world. I’m going to live in a doggy-dog world.”
We can see for ourselves what’s true by paying attention. Learning how to pay attention differently, more accurately, less laden with all that conditioning overtaking our perception.
So look at what we are taught about where happiness is, where strength is, how alone we are. But what’s true? This actually is one of the greatest blessings of mindfulness, is that we can see for ourselves what’s true by paying attention. Learning how to pay attention differently, more accurately, less laden with all that conditioning overtaking our perception. And we see for ourselves that maybe endless vengefulness is not that happy-making, maybe compassion is not that stupid. And we can see very directly for ourselves, there is a kind of compassion we can have for those who are caught in a dog-eat-dog world.
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How can one maintain a sense of optimism in the face of tragedy? Sanya Pirani shares her thoughts and actions. My Roots of Optimism By Sanya Pirani Valentine’s Day Feb 14th, 2018 they were 17 people killed by a gunman at High School in Parkland, Florida. That night tears were rolling down my eyes, and many eyes I know were extremely num. Now the question is, how do we find optimism in such tragedy? A few days later, a student Emma Gonzalez spoke at a gun-control rally in Fort Lauderdale and turned her sorrow into a galvanizing cry for change and force policymakers to revisit gun control laws. That is what I call turning tragedy into optimism. All because someone decided to view tragedy with a lance of positivity. Pessimism, Realism, and Optimism are not just textbook ideologies; they are the fuel of life. We should use them for our life’s engine and ultimately reflect and impact our local and global communities’ success. Here’s why I believe if optimism is hardwired in our lives it will automatically bring powerful change in our world. Optimism and Service to Others I grew up with a concept of service. My first gift from my parents was a jar which I empty every month to help others in need. As a young child, I remember three rules of optimism in our family: The first lesson was from Helen Keller “Optimism compels the world forward, and pessimism retards it.” The second lesson was, Forgive and forget the bad things in your life, remember being optimistic and hopeful in each situation of your life is a choice. The third lesson was, the only person you have control over is you. I fixed those lessons in my daily life. I connected dots of my…
